Making sense

Anne Lamott, on writing ...

"We are a species that needs and wants to understand who we are. Sheep lice do not seem to share this longing, which is one reason why they write so little. But we do. We have so much we want to say and figure out.”

Monday, October 13, 2008

A special message to a favorite blogger, and all others who stop by to visit

Glad to see, Bee, from your recent posts that your funk is subsiding. Meanwhile, I'm in one myself, a funk of mythic proportion. I've been thinking, My God, what is wrong with me, and so, today, instead of paying attention at a USELESS staff meeting, I sat with yellow legal pad and made a list of all that's bothering me.
I shall share it with you:
1) My mother (She makes me crazy but she is dying and I must be the world's worst daughter because I really don't feel that it's in MY best interest to visit her.)
2) My son (His girlfriend dumped him on Saturday. Instead of a "Dear John" letter, she sent an email, asking to be "just friends." His heart is broken. Therefore, so is mine.)
3) My weight. Ye gads I have gotten bigger and bigger. Kind of marshmallow-ish around the middle.
4) Sticky-icky weather. Come, come fall. This summery stuff sucks.
5) Not blogging. Why are you not blogging, Kathleen? Why? Why? Why?
6) Overall, no-good-reason bad mooding. Is this menopause? Feeling like I'm PMS-ing constantly.
7) Lack of coordinated drapery and bedding in the master bedroom. Why can't I get my bedroom design to click? Where's the black-and-white toile I've coveted for years?
8) Stack of mini-assessments to grade. I mean, STACK. One hundred of them to grade. Can't. Seem. To. Get. Motivated.
9) Absent exercise. Must get to the gym. Must get to the gym. Must get to the gym.
10) Why am I hot all the time?
11) McCain-Palin ticket.
12) McCain-Palin ticket.
13) Must get fall decorations out of boxes. Scarecrow to porch. Must purchase assorted gourds to decorate steps.
14) Pay new subscription to MORE magazine. Going to miss issues if payment is not made.
15) Why aren't tulip bulbs planted?


Susan said...

Hey, Kate ~

Welcome back (to your own blog!) - I have missed your creative, humorous and intelligent posts. Figured the beginning of the school year had much to do with your absence (you being a teacher and all) - then... it's just easy to get out of the habit... :-)

My friend M posted yesterday about much the same thing - while empathizing (and of course I do), I also suggested using The Serenity Prayer as a benchmark. Which of those items can you courageously change... and which must you have the serenity to accept? - wisdom, indeed...

Sending love and light for your mom and son - I can empathize with the former...

Truly, much of what you're going through *does* sound like menopause to me (a decade older than you) - it shook up my brain and body in unimaginable ways...

Regarding your bedroom decor: have you tried - love their quality, affordable stuff!

God, like can be soooo overwhelming, can't it? - hang in there... and know that plenty of people wish the best for you, even some you haven't met yet... <3

Bee said...

I'm so pleased to see you online again . . . even if it is to hear that you are perturbed and overwhelmed. Remember that old chestnut that a problem shared is a problem halved? I wonder what the division of the problem turns out to be if shared with the blogosphere?

I have to agree with Susan: your symptoms (well, except for the McCain/Palin problem and the bedroom decor) sound like menopause. I'm not sure if there is a "cure" for that one, but I hope that you can find renewable energy from some source! Best wishes from my corner at least.