Making sense

Anne Lamott, on writing ...

"We are a species that needs and wants to understand who we are. Sheep lice do not seem to share this longing, which is one reason why they write so little. But we do. We have so much we want to say and figure out.”

Thursday, December 15, 2011

Thursdays with Patti

My therapist is a genius.
Salient points from today's session ...
In no particular order:
1) There has not been a vast right-wing conspiracy to keep me uninformed about a friend's sister's passing. The people who knew have already dealt with and then moved on with the death. These are the same people who lost no sleep over Don Harman's suicide. (Like I did.)
2) The Bible says it is imperative to love one another; not to like one another. I am not going to go to hell because I don't always like my sister. Or my mother.
3) She Who Must Not Be Named is mean; I am hyper-sensitive. Not a good combination.
4) I need to forgive the behaviors that offended me when the person doing those behaviors was young and immature. Oh.
5) I ruminate over EVERYTHING. I need to stop doing that. Not everything deserves careful consideration or basic contemplation. (My words, predicting what Patti would say about my rumination.)
6) The girls in my Bunco group have not been losing sleep over the Sister Issue.
7) I should not care so much (or base my self esteem) about people's perceptions of me when those people are flawed human beings, just as imperfect as I am.
8) Not all people are as giving and generous and empathetic as I am. "Most people are totally self-absorbed," says Patti.
9) I need to wait until I am in a better, more composed place before sitting down to talk with my sister, even if that means waiting until after Christmas. It is all right to wait until after Christmas. IT IS ALL RIGHT TO WAIT UNTIL AFTER CHRISTMAS!
10) Sometimes, when things come to a sudden end (i.e. me dropping out of Bunco), that's not so much a tragedy as it is God telling us to move on, that staying is unhealthy.
What I have learned through therapy (making it real):
1) It is my OCD that makes me feel like I need to write EVERYTHING down. The world is not going to end if I stop recording life's minutiae. I need to stop: It's exhausting.
2) My anxiety disorder can, and does, cause heart palpitations.
3) My logic will trump my emotions! Every time. So think logically.
4) Give everything to God. Surrender, Dorothy. He is the only one truly in charge, anyway.

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