Making sense

Anne Lamott, on writing ...

"We are a species that needs and wants to understand who we are. Sheep lice do not seem to share this longing, which is one reason why they write so little. But we do. We have so much we want to say and figure out.”

Thursday, May 24, 2012

Rock Bottom

Well, it happened. I felt it coming; I was in denial; I was telling it to go away, get out, leave me alone, pick on someone your own size.
But it's here: the proverbial rock bottom that addicts talk about. The my-world's-crashing-down-around me feeling that motivates sufferers to either jump off a bridge, run away to a new place and a new identity, seek counseling, or say to Mr. Rock Bottom, "Well, you can Suck It!"
I'm not going to kill myself; I can't run away and reinvent myself (I have a beloved husband and precious, dear children ~ even though they're adults, they need me ~ I have a cocker spaniel, for crying out loud, who adores me and cries when I leave the house ~). I AM going to go back into counseling. I have a therapist who knows me and knows how to help me. I love her. And I AM going to say, a million times if I need to, I am going to say to Mr. Rock Bottom and Miss Depression (she's so Debbie Downer, that one) and Lady Anxiety (who's immensely smarmy and attitudinal and plain mean), I am going to say, with tremendous rigor, "Well, you can Suck It! All of you." And I am going to point my (nail-bitten) finger at each of them, to really hit home my point, "You, Mr. Rock Bottom, you can Suck It. You, Miss Depression, you can Suck It. You, Lady Anxiety ~ don't you give me that look! You, Lady A., well, you can Suck It, too."
I realize this expression is vulgar and sophomoric.Which explains why I like it; it helps me.
It is my new mantra. If you don't like it, if you're offended, well, quit reading. (You can Suck It, too!)
This blog, previously unfocused and extremely ADD in its theme ~ it is, after all, titled Mom sequitur ~ is now going to be hyper focused because I need it to help me with my climb out of a deep and dark pit of despair.
My intent is to blog daily concerning my transformation from a walking corpse into a vibrant, healthy individual, one who is emotionally, physically, and mentally healthy.

The stats:
Age: 46
Height: 5'6"
Weight: 242.6 pounds
BMI: 39.1
Measurements, in inches (duh):
Neck: 15.5
Bicep: 15
Forearm: 11.5
Chest: 51.5
Waist: 45.5
Abs: 47.5
Hips: 49.5
Butt: 50
Thigh: 26
Calf: 17

The Food Plan:
Breakfast: (Must eat within 20 minutes of awakening) 1 Protein + 1 Complex Carb + 1 Simple Carb
Snack: (Within 3 hours of breakfast) 1 Simple Carb + 1 Protein
Lunch: 1 Complex Carb + 1 Fibrous Carb + 1 Protein
Snack: (Within 3 hours of lunch) 1 Fibrous Carb + 1 Protein
Dinner: 1 Fibrous Carb + 1 Protein
Up late? Snack: 1 Protein

One cheat meal per week. Consume within one hour. If in the evening, consume at least three hours between meal and bedtime.

The Exercise Plan:
Twenty to thirty minutes walking, daily
15 crunches (3 sets)
15 step-ups (3 sets)
15 lower leg raises (3 sets)
15 standing push-ups (3 sets)
Plank (try to hold for 10 seconds; 3 sets)

Today's food:
Breakfast (10:30) : One slice whole-wheat bread; peanut butter; banana
Snack (12:30): One Visalus shake (More to come on this product in a separate post)
1:30: Diet Coke (This I must do away with; I have a sensitivity to aspartame)
Lunch (2:30): Two slices whole-wheat bread; tuna; carrot sticks
Snack (4:30): Fruit cup/peanut butter spoon
Dinner (6:30): Chicken breast "stewed" with tomatoes and onions; whole green beans

Today's exercise:
Followed plan + second 30-minute walk

Important quote of the day: "It doesn't matter where you are. You are nowhere compared to where you can go." (Bob Proctor)

2 comments:

Other Mother said...

I am with you. I have seen Mr. Rock Bottom and you are right--well in the way I say it--he can kiss my ass. Hang in there Kathleen Stander. Life's an absolute bitch sometimes, but then... good things can happen. Keep posting. Keep slapping Depression, Anxiety, and Rock Bottom right upside the head. Keep on trucking (wow, but you haven't heard that saying in a long time).

Other Mother said...

And by the way, this is Laurie (BratGirl) Crist. My screen name is OtherMother.

And, that should be "wow, BET you ..."